!function(n){if(!window.cnx){window.cnx={},window.cnx.cmd=[];var t=n.createElement('iframe');t.display='none',t.onload=function(){var n=t.contentWindow.document,c=n.createElement('script');c.src='//cd.connatix.com/connatix.player.js',c.setAttribute('async','1'),c.setAttribute('type','text/javascript'),n.body.appendChild(c)},n.head.appendChild(t)}}(document);(new Image()).src = 'https://capi.connatix.com/tr/si?token=8b034f64-513c-4987-b16f-42d6008f7feb';cnx.cmd.push(function(){cnx({"playerId":"8b034f64-513c-4987-b16f-42d6008f7feb","mediaId":"c41e05a6-7ba0-42f1-8023-0f5ff30eab87"}).render("6a6373cae4b0f1b7fc52aa7c");}); Ever felt misunderstood, no matter how clearly you express yourself? Or the opposite – maybe you’ve felt like someone else just didn’t seem to speak in a way you gelled with, even if their actual sentiment was just fine. That could be a clash of communication styles, or the ways in which we deliver information. And speaking to HuffPost UK, therapist and BACP member Bhavna Raithatha said that “Becoming aware of how [we] are communicating to others will give [us] some idea about why people respond to [us] the way they do”. She and fellow BACP therapist and coach Stefan Walters explained the four communication styles to us, adding which was the healthiest, and how to achieve it. What are the four communication styles? 1) Passive communication A person with this communication style “avoids conflict by staying quiet, agreeing when [they] don’t mean it, or minimizing [their] own needs,” Walters said. “It feels safe in the moment but tends to build resentment over time, since needs go unmet and unspoken.” 2) Aggressive communication This “gets needs heard, but often at someone else’s expense – through blame, raised voices, sarcasm, or control,” Walters continued. “It can ‘win’ the immediate exchange, while damaging trust and making the other person defensive or afraid to speak honestly next time”. 3) Passive-aggressive communication According to the coach, passive-aggressive communication “is indirect hostility: sulking, backhanded comments, forgetting to do something on purpose, or saying ‘I’m fine’ while clearly not fine.” He added, “It lets frustration leak out sideways instead of being addressed directly, which usually confuses or alienates the other person rather than resolving anything.” 4) Assertive communication Someone who speaks assertively “sits in the middle,” tone-wise, the expert ended. Assertive communication “means expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly and respectfully, while also making room for the other person’s perspective. “It’s honest without being harsh, and considerate without self-erasure.” What’s the healthiest communication style? Both experts agree that where you can, sticking to an assertive communication style is usually the best way to get your message across. “Assertive communication is preferred over passive, aggressive or passive-aggressive [styles], because these cause friction and lead to defensiveness,” Raithatha said. Meanwhile, “Assertive communication builds trust, leads to healthy relationships, creates psychological safety and enables effective problem solving.” For Walter’s part, he said: “Passive and passive-aggressive patterns erode trust slowly, aggression erodes it quickly, and stonewalling [going silent on your partner] starves a relationship of the information it needs to repair itself. “Assertiveness, by contrast, treats both people’s needs as legitimate and worth working through.” How can I build a more assertive communication style? The therapists said that if you want to communicate more assertively, you can try: intentionally listening to your conversation partner’s words and intent, and avoiding defensive reactions to their tone or body language, pausing – even for “a few seconds” – before responding to confronting language, naming your feelings, rather than blaming the other person – try saying, e.g., “I’m frustrated because I need more notice for schedule changes” rather than going silent on your friend or suggesting they “never” consider you, separating the person from the problem; name the specific behaviour you want to change instead of making ad hominem attacks, becoming OK with discomfort, which Walters said is “different from actual harm to the relationship” and is often a necessary part of having tough conversations, repairing when you slip up, as very few of us can communicate assertively all the time. Saying something like “’I shut down earlier, and I want to finish that conversation’ rebuilds trust faster than pretending it didn’t happen,” Walters stated. Related... 6 Lessons An Affair Therapist Has Learned About Cheaters Couples Therapists Reveal The Dates They Wish More Couples Would Go On The New Dating Language Is Therapy, But Not Everyone Speaks It
Ever felt misunderstood, no matter how clearly you express yourself? Or the opposite – maybe you’ve felt like someone else just didn’t seem to speak in a way you gelled with, even if their actual sentiment was just fine. That could be a clash of communication styles, or the ways in which we deliver information. And speaking to HuffPost UK, therapist and BACP member Bhavna Raithatha said that “Becoming aware of how [we] are communicating to others will give [us] some idea about why people respond to [us] the way they do”. She and fellow BACP therapist and coach Stefan Walters explained the four communication styles to us, adding which was the healthiest, and how to achieve it. What are the four communication styles? 1) Passive communication A person with this communication style “avoids conflict by staying quiet, agreeing when [they] don’t mean it, or minimizing [their] own needs,” Walters said. “It feels safe in the moment but tends to build resentment over time, since needs go unmet and unspoken.” 2) Aggressive communication This “gets needs heard, but often at someone else’s expense – through blame, raised voices, sarcasm, or control,” Walters continued. “It can ‘win’ the immediate exchange, while damaging trust and making the other person defensive or afraid to speak honestly next time”. 3) Passive-aggressive communication According to the coach, passive-aggressive communication “is indirect hostility: sulking, backhanded comments, forgetting to do something on purpose, or saying ‘I’m fine’ while clearly not fine.” He added, “It lets frustration leak out sideways instead of being addressed directly, which usually confuses or alienates the other person rather than resolving anything.” 4) Assertive communication Someone who speaks assertively “sits in the middle,” tone-wise, the expert ended. Assertive communication “means expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly and respectfully, while also making room for the other person’s perspective. “It’s honest without being harsh, and considerate without self-erasure.” What’s the healthiest communication style? Both experts agree that where you can, sticking to an assertive communication style is usually the best way to get your message across. “Assertive communication is preferred over passive, aggressive or passive-aggressive [styles], because these cause friction and lead to defensiveness,” Raithatha said. Meanwhile, “Assertive communication builds trust, leads to healthy relationships, creates psychological safety and enables effective problem solving.” For Walter’s part, he said: “Passive and passive-aggressive patterns erode trust slowly, aggression erodes it quickly, and stonewalling [going silent on your partner] starves a relationship of the information it needs to repair itself. “Assertiveness, by contrast, treats both people’s needs as legitimate and worth working through.” How can I build a more assertive communication style? The therapists said that if you want to communicate more assertively, you can try: intentionally listening to your conversation partner’s words and intent, and avoiding defensive reactions to their tone or body language, pausing – even for “a few seconds” – before responding to confronting language, naming your feelings, rather than blaming the other person – try saying, e.g., “I’m frustrated because I need more notice for schedule changes” rather than going silent on your friend or suggesting they “never” consider you, separating the person from the problem; name the specific behaviour you want to change instead of making ad hominem attacks, becoming OK with discomfort, which Walters said is “different from actual harm to the relationship” and is often a necessary part of having tough conversations, repairing when you slip up, as very few of us can communicate assertively all the time. Saying something like “’I shut down earlier, and I want to finish that conversation’ rebuilds trust faster than pretending it didn’t happen,” Walters stated. Related... 6 Lessons An Affair Therapist Has Learned About Cheaters Couples Therapists Reveal The Dates They Wish More Couples Would Go On The New Dating Language Is Therapy, But Not Everyone Speaks It
