A friend who is three years into her doctoral programme in the San Francisco Bay Area texted me the other day to say she had finally figured out what was different about living in the US. “I don’t need to perform any more. I am allowed to just … exist.” Naturally, I asked for elaboration. She said that back home in China, every decision she made came with an interview she did not sign up for. Every Chinese New Year, some relative would probe into her personal life with forensic precision. In...